Top five recommended sanctions for Stanley Eguma?

Embattled Stanley Eguma
It has been four games since the three match ultimatum given to Rivers United gaffer, Stanley Eguma and the world awaits the sanctions that will be meted to him.

No doubt he failed woefully as out of three games he was supposed to win, he managed only one and lost one, so what happens next?

Just on Thursday, he lost on the Road (did someone say ‘as usual?’) to Kano Pillars in the 4th game since the ultimatum making it one win, one draw and two defeats.

According to the report from “his bosses” he had to win their next three games or face heavy sanctions.

The three games were against Wikki Tourists, Akwa United and Rangers and we know what happened.

Now how does he get punished?

I listened to the Permanent Secretary, Michael Nnodim and after all his findings during the investigations regarding the poor performance of the team, he stated that the coaching crew had been handed a three match ultimatum.

“We have instructed the technical crew to sit up. We have given them an ultimatum of three matches, to win those three matches for us or they will face serious sanctions,” went the Permanent Secretary of the sports ministry.

Now, three games of the ultimatum have gone by, so what does Nnodim do? How do Eguma and his crew get sanctioned?

What really is a sanction in this context, or serious one?

According to, a sanction is a provision of a law enacting a penalty for disobedience or a reward for obedience, so how does it fit in here?

Now the Stanley Eguma led technical crew disobeyed the instructions of their boss, the Permanent Secretary, who is currently the Acting Sports Commissioner, to win their next three games, so while we wait for him to come out with a law to enact this penalty for disobedience, these are my thoughts.

Stanley Eguma is untouchable

For what it’s worth, the Permanent Secretary, Michael Nnodi can huff and puff as much as he likes but cannot sack Stanley Eguma or even discipline him.

The General Manager of the club, Okey Kpalikwu cannot raise a finger against Eguma. Not even a sitting sports commissioner is willing to do that and I explain.

It was rumoured for a long time that Stanley Eguma is related to the current governor of Rivers State, Barrister Nyesom Wike. A rumour for a long time until the governor himself cleared the air in a public forum describing the coach as his cousin.

Eguma became coach of Rivers United as Dolphins in 2008 when Nyesom Wike was Chief Of Staff. He remained coach as Wike became Minister of Education and now governor of the state.

Now, as much as I know, the governor never placed an embargo on sacking or sanctioning his cousin, but in Nigeria, no one wants to be the man that sacks the “brother” of a state governor. So that is where Rivers United is, and, er, Stanley Eguma of course.

Does Stanley Eguma know that he is untouchable? Of course he does.

What possible ways can he be sanctioned, then?

If I am told to recommend, I will say it the way it is that Stanley Eguma should be sacked immediately and his assistant, Willy Udube be put in caretaker capacity until the end of the season.

But we all know that no one in the Rivers United hierarchy can do that so I have shortlisted five more realistic serious sanctions for him.

Write one thousand words:
For those of us who went to school in the 70s, 80s and maybe, 90s, when we err, our teacher will tell us to take a pencil and paper and write, “I will not make noise in class again” one hundred times or there abouts, depending on the severity of what we did.

Eguma should be instructed by the Perm Sec to write, handwritten and without the aid of technology, “I will start winning away from home” three thousand times before he is allowed to sit on the bench again. This should sort him, no?

Kneel down and hands up:
Still for those of us that went school in the days of corporal punishment, maybe on Monday, before their next home game against Katsina United he should be made to kneel down at the technical area and raise his hands up. For good measure, he should raise his hands up and be told stick out his tongue too. This should sort him, no?

Pick pin:

If the first two do not work then he must pick pin for the duration of the pre-match warm up by his team on Monday.
Picking pin was one of the meanest punishments given to us in school back in the day as it made the blood rush to your head. Maybe Eguma needs a blood rush to his head, no?

Come early for training: It is common knowledge that in his training program, Eguma does not include getting to the session on time.
At Dolphins as far back as 2001, it was rumoured that the players actually begged him to arrive on time at training the next day, especially when they had an important game ahead.
At Enyimba in 2004, Felix Anyansi Agwu and the rest of the management were almost driven nuts because of Eguma’s work discipline.
At Iwuanyanwu Nationale in 2005 it was the same thing and again at Sharks so it does not seem like he will change anytime soon.
Force him to bath and come for training early
One good punishment for him would be to use the Department of State Security, DSS to force him to get to training sessions on time.
DSS operatives must be at his house at 5:30am, force him out of bed at gun point, to the bathroom and then to the training pitch on time.
I believe there will be no greater punishment for him than this.

No more pressers: It is on record that whenever Rivers United lose or draw at home, Eguma snubs the post-match conference and sends his assistant, but in event of a win, he comes out proudly, smiling at everyone.
Another good punishment for him would be to stop him from talking to the press even when they win a game at home and the management insisting on his assistant doing it.

Because the coach is king

I hear people on radio shows in Port Harcourt shouting their guts out that Eguma should be sacked.
I feel sorry for them because it is just a waste of precious decibels.
I also read people on social media arguing on why Eguma should go. Sorry sods! They just waste precious data on a meaningless argument.
Eguma will coach Rivers United for as long as he wants so maybe fans of the club should enjoy their team play no matter the poor results and performance on the pitch.

They must also be patient too.

Will Eguma face any sanctions at all? My thoughts are a big NO!

So this blog post is certainly a waste of time and data too.

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  1. Lol
    Much humour this morning but "them" go show am and your running battle with Eguma go continue as as long as they are concern, you want him sacked!
    Make I run comot for battle wey I don fight for four years without success

  2. Sorry state of things we find ourselves in Rivers State. The wishes kg the people are no longer paramount. Yet it is their money that is being used to foot those bills. Hmm!

  3. Hahaha! This post is too hilarious abeg! I don laff fall where i dey...
    Truth is Eguma ia a good coach. Only if you guys understand how football is run in this country. What is happebing to Rivers today is the result of trying yo be upright and this reault clearly shows it doesnt work. Its a case of do ur own make i do my own and who do pass go carry the league. No Team in the NPFL can match this Rivers United team on a level playing ground and thats the fact. Make we go dey prepare for next season sha. Thats my take. Make we no dey wast3 decibels asking for sake cos we already have a good coach in Eguma